


90 Days

by mitigates



Series: Songfics [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, Breakup Fic, Dying Relationship, It's sad but it's fitting, M/M, Pink - Freeform, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Strong Angst, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25510240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitigates/pseuds/mitigates
Summary: Mutual pining turns into mutual distraction and eventual mutual crashing.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Songfics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800937
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	90 Days

**Author's Note:**

> I'm reposting this because I just wasn't happy with the other one. This is only slightly different and I changed the characters, these two were more fitting.

_We’re driving in a black car and it’s blacked out and we’re spinnin’_

_We’re listening to “Fast Car” and you’re driving fast and you’re singing_

“Slow down, Bokuto,” Akaashi grumbled as he shifted in his seat. 

“I’m not even going that fast, babe,” Bokuto responded, taking his eye off the road for a moment to eye his dark-haired boyfriend. 

Akaashi grumbled again and pressed his cheek against the cold window. The rain was coming down harder and Bokuto was definitely driving too fast, but none of that was the problem. Except everything was the problem. Everything was wrong. 

Akaashi looked at Bokuto out of the corner of his eye, he went out of focus outside the scope of his glasses. He gazed back out the window. 

Things had been wrong between them for a while, but neither of them was willing to admit it. Bokuto was doing pointless shit like driving them outside of the city in the middle of the night to a surprise rendezvous at a hotel they stayed at for the first time so many years ago.

They were drifting apart and they were drifting apart fast.

Their lives just went in different directions. Akaashi started work at an editing company right after high school, having interned for them. He was busy juggling college classes and his editing work. Bokuto went on to play professional volleyball after being scouted directly off of the high school court. He was travelling so much that the distance didn’t even hurt anymore.

_Don’t wanna tell you what I’m feeling, don’t want this night to hit a ceiling_

He sighed and watched a puff of fog cover the window from his hot breath.

He needed to tell Bokuto.

Preferably because they got to the “love shack” as Bokuto kept calling it.

“Kash? Did you hear me?” Bokuto nudged Akaashi’s elbow.

Akaashi glared at him. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”

“At least one more time, Kaashi.” Bokuto turned the wheel as he exited the freeway. “Did you hear what I said?”

“No. I wasn’t listening.” Akaashi admitted, too easily.

Bokuto threw him a soft glare, he had never been capable of much more when it came to Akaashi. “I _said_ did you want to pick up food or order something in?”

“It doesn’t matter, Bokuto.” Akaashi resumed staring out the window and wished he would have made up a better excuse to get out of this weekend getaway.

*It matters to me since I’m driving, would you prefer-”

“It really doesn’t matter!” Akaashi snapped. 

Bokuto sighed and stopped doing anything other than driving towards their destination.

 _Dammit_ . Akaashi thought to himself. _Dammit_ _._

_I’m wearing dirty white shoes, a white t-shirt, and your jacket_

“Sorry, Bokuto.” Akaashi forced a smile that he tried his best to seem genuine. “We can order in, whatever you want. Pizza sounds good.”

Bokuto smiled back, little did Akaashi know he was also forcing the sincerity behind the flash of teeth. “Perfect.”

They tried and failed to make small talk as they drove the rest of the way towards the hotel.

Bokuto cracked his usual vibrant jokes with all the hand movements and gestures in the world, Akaashi cracked his jokes that were always the slightest bit self-deprecating. They laughed, but they didn’t mean it. Eventually, Akaashi stared into the darkness in the distance, and Bokuto stared at the raindrops hitting the road in front of him. 

_I’m laughing, but I’m lying. When you’re smiling, I’m the saddest_

_I hide my face so you don’t see it, I think out loud hope you don’t hear it_

Akaashi sat on the edge of the bed and watched Bokuto pace. He ordered pizza. It got there an hour later, they were busy on a Friday night. Neither man had spoken a word to the other after they got out of the car. It was sickeningly silent.

They would catch each other’s eyes and look away.

_It’s going on 18 months now and it’s fucked up, but I’m falling_

_I feel it every day now but I’m stallin’, but I’m stallin’_

“Keiji-”

“Koutarou-”

They caught each other’s gaze again. They rarely used their first names. They hadn’t introduced themselves that way so it just didn’t happen. They were Bokuto and some deviation of Akaashi. Bokuto would choose the variation based on the kind of mood that Akaashi appeared to be in, the more annoyed he was then the more annoying the nickname was. Kaashi was the beginning and it branched off from there: Agaashi, Agassheee, KaashiKaashi. Just Kash was the absolute worst of them all and was saved for special occasions when Akaashi was being an exceptionally huge dick.

Using their first names meant that they were actually about to have a conversation, one that they probably should have had years ago.

They had called each other by their first names for the initial time while they were in bed together. Akaashi’s back hit the sheets, Bokuto hovered above him. The only barrier separating them was sweat and stillness, but back then it was a good sense of stillness. It was comfortable.

They had called each other by their first names again when Bokuto dropped Akaashi off at the airport for his 6-week tournament. Bokuto tried to smile and laugh and make fun of Akaashi for looking sadder than usual, but as they got to the gate his entire demeanor changed.

“Koutarou-” Akaashi turned and ran his thumb across the darker haired man’s jaw. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know? 6 weeks is a long time.” Bokuto liked to hide any sense of weakness behind his strong sense of humor.

Bokuto shrugged and tried to smile, but failed. “I know. We will be alright.”

“You’re damn right we will. I’ll meet you right here exactly 6 weeks from now.” Akaashi said reassuringly.

“I mean, we will be at the other gate, but yeah I see your point.” Bokuto said with a laugh.

Akaashi rolled his eyes and sighed. “You’re an idiot-”

Bokuto laughed, boisterously and not the scantiest bit graciously, and enveloped his arms around Akaashi. “Keiji- I’m going to miss you.” His voice was hardly above a whisper.

“I’ll miss you too, Koutarou.”

The memory faded and they continued gawking at each other, the quiet began to become overwhelming.

_I’m here, but I’m in pieces and I don’t know how to fix this_

_And I don’t know how to fix this, no_

What they used to have that connected them had decayed so severely that Bokuto couldn’t remember the last time they even touched each other. He could scarcely remember the last time they kissed, it was probably a few days ago. He hadn’t told Kaashi that he loved him in an embarrassingly long time. It wasn’t that he didn’t love him anymore...or perhaps it was. Maybe the love that was once such a powerful spark fizzled into something more modest.

Everything was so bright when they started dating. Time eventually extinguished them and they let it happen, knowingly. 

_If I’m just somebody that you’re gonna leave and you don’t feel something when you look at me,_

_You’re holding my heart, mm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly, I’ll be okay_

“You go ahead,” Bokuto said as he faced the wall and pulled out the worn-down wooden chair from its place under the desk.

“No- I really shouldn’t-” One look at Bokuto and Akaashi knew he wasn’t going to talk first. He was stubborn as fuck, but Akaashi knew that Bokuto didn’t want to admit something that Akaashi might not agree with. It was easier to let Akaashi start the conversation that they were both dreading because then maybe it would have been his idea. Akaashi pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up just slightly. 

Bokuto was normally entranced by any sense of emotion that radiated from his boyfriend, but that time it felt different. It felt permanent. It felt like something was snapping.

_If you’re just some habit that I gotta break, I can clear my system in 90 days_

_You’re holdin’ my heart, mm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly._

“Just say it-” Bokuto muttered as he squeezed his eyes shut.

The first time Bokuto had to travel for a tournament, he was to be gone for 6 weeks. It was going to be the longest that they were going to be apart, but it was so early in their relationship that it didn’t affect them as much as it would anybody else. Their relationship started with distance as their friendship blossomed when they were still in high school. It easily turned into a relationship with all of the naivety that came with high school love.

_I get up, turn the lights out and it’s four o’clock in the morning_

The second time that they were apart was when Akaashi traveled for work. That was halfway through their relationship and he had a literature workshop to go to. Akaashi’s boss had him set up to take point on a project in California and Akaashi jumped at the chance, not thinking of anything other than the massive career opportunity that it was. 

He thought Bokuto would be happy for him, but the distance made him bitter. Akaashi ended up volunteering more often than not for travel opportunities. When he was gone, they would text constantly, fall asleep on Skype together, and talk on the phone during their lunch breaks. When they were home together, it was more distance than when they were thousands of miles apart. 

_I close my eyes, I can’t sleep, a hotel room in New York_

_I feel the space that’s in between us, convince myself that this is real love_

“I-I don’t know-” Akaashi sighed and his face fell into his hands. There were so few times in his life that he was lost for words, he could count them on one hand. He had been thinking about what to say to Bokuto for weeks, he thought about it every single damn day. He thought it was going to be easy, it was going to be mutual. But now, sitting there looking at the man he loved with everything inside of him, he found it hard to say anything.

_‘Cause you made this shit so easy and I told you my secret_

_So I don’t know why I’m tongue-tied at the wrong time when I need this_

_I’m here, but I’m in pieces and I don’t know how to fix this_

_And I don’t know how to fix this, no_

Bokuto sat back and watched Akaashi struggle to speak. He shook his head slowly because he too didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? They were letting it fall apart, they had been letting it fall apart. They both knew that. They both knew how hard it had been getting and neither of them seemed to want to be bothered by trying to fix it.

Maybe if he didn’t take the job in the first place, maybe then it would have been- No, that wouldn’t have helped. Akaashi probably would have ended up traveling more with his work. There were even talks that his company was going to be transferred to another city and either Akaashi would commute for work or they would move. Bokuto couldn’t move because of his team. Maybe that should have happened, things would have ended sooner and they wouldn’t have dragged it out.

_If I’m just somebody that you’re gonna leave, and you don’t feel something when you look at me_

_You’re holdin’ my heart, mm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly, I’ll be okay_

“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?” Akaashi studied Bokuto then, anguish and longing etched into his core. Bokuto’s expression rivaled his.Of course he knew what he was going to say, nobody knew Akaashi like Bokuto did. Nobody. He didn’t even think he knew himself as well as Bokuto seemed to know him.

_If you’re just some habit that I gotta break, I can clear my system in 90 days._

_You’re holdin’ my heart, mm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly._

Bokuto only nodded, blinking away the wetness that pooled beneath his eyelashes.

_We’re driving in your fast car, your fast car_

“Yes.” Of course he knows what Akaashi is going to say. They’re probably thinking the same thing because that’s just how well they know each other. That’s how well they’ve known each other since the moment Bokuto caught Akaashi’s eye all those years ago in high school. One look was all it took for Bokuto. It didn’t matter how reserved Akaashi was, how opposite their personalities were, none of that mattered when their lips touched for the first time. When Akaashi’s longer fingers made their way into Bokuto’s hair for the first time. When Bokuto’s toned arms wrapped around Akaashi for the first time. None of it mattered because of how well they fit together.

_We’re driving in your fast car, your fast car_

“You do?” Akaashi felt the salty tear hit the corner of his mouth. Now they were stuck in a hotel room with a Jacuzzi tub and rotating bed because Bokuto preferred action over words. Akaashi looked up at the golden eyes he used to not be able to sleep without and knew. He knew.

_We’re driving in your fast car, your fast car_

Bokuto closed his eyes. “I do.” Bokuto stared into the blackness behind his eyelids. He also knew.

_We’re driving all night._


End file.
